So, my relationship with my avatar, Testy Outlander, has reached a whole new level. I realized this last week when I was in-world last week and my cell rang. It was an old friend, but before I picked up the call……I made sure that I/Testy was seated in a relaxed, comfortable, out-of-the-way place.
Pause.
What? I have a real-life friend on the line, who goes back 10 years & I haven’t spoken with for a matter of months. Yet, I felt so connected in a very experiential way to Testy that I first thought of attending to ‘her’ (or my?) comfort before I attended to my RL call. And let’s remember that Testy is a combination of bits and bytes….which makes me wonder what exactly is this virtual sense of ‘comfort’ that I felt so strongly about affording her/I.
Also, let’s analyze how I just described this:
I made sure that I/Testy was seated in a relaxed, comfortable, out-of-the-way place.
Notice that I did not say “I manipulated an online character to be seated by clicking on my computer keyboard.” No, I talk about it as a socially proper thing to do: getting Testy/myself seated and relaxed. This way, I was fully ‘ready’ to engage with my RL friend.
What’s happening to me?
The first time I’d noticed this type of more intense, emotional connection to my avatar was when I was creating my first notecard in SL. I spent time looking for an appropriate place to do so. Because I wanted a quiet place to work, I went to the library and located a comfortable bean bag to sit on. Then, I felt good about diving in to create the SL object that I wanted.
This is different from even the first few months that I’d spent some time in-world. Then, I’d just walk away from the keyboard and leave my avatar in the middle of a social scene without thinking anything of it. I wasn’t bothered by Testy’s stiff-as-a-board appearance that made her look a bit like a robot.
Contrast this to my recent feelings that she/I have appeared socially awkward. So, I found out from a friendly librarian that an Animation Override (AO) would make her appear more natural when standing or sitting. And, courtesy of said librarian, I now have an AO.
In other words, the line between myself and my avatar, when I’m immersed in-world, has begun to blur. It’s gotten to the point that I really don’t know what pronoun to use when writing about Testy (her/I).
Ah, the eternal problem of pronoun! I have simplified matters by nicknaming my Amanuensis (my Human, my Typist, or what you will — the member of the team who is made out of atoms) “Boswell”, for convenience. This keeps it clear who is speaking and being spoken of.
madame, your servant
JJ Drinkwater
Librarian of Caledon
I know exactly what you mean. I have had conversations with friends who, like myself feel an emotional attachment to our avatars and “feel” bad about not treating them right. It is also a matter of experiencing virtuality as real as RL is, our feelings of identity are powerful and we often do not have a chance to affirm this in RL.